THEMCKAYPOST

Oxymorons

Everyone has heard "Military Intelligence" used as an example of an oxymoron. Here are a few others, compliments of The Big Picture

This ones on the house

Our friend Andy Swan educated us about the finer Bourbons, but he left out the rules of drinking, so I will take the liberty, with a little humor injected, just for fun.

I like the single malts, and they can run into money, so I always ask for a paper bag at the liquor store (less chance of being mugged if they think you are just another shmoe going on his way with some cheap booze).

Never get drunk on the golf course (plenty of time after the game), as the golf police may seize your cart and leave you “holding the bag”.

Keep the averaged priced stuff in your liquor cabinet, and the good stuff in your kitchen cabinet (what your neighbors, relatives, and guests don’t know wont hurt them).

When your wife says; You’ve had enough”, respond with; “What are you talking about? I haven’t had any in at least a week”!

Drink responsibly! The empty bottles go in the BLUE RECYCLE BAGS!

If your dumb enough to drink and drive (you get what you deserve), just don’t tell cops the “bubbles” joke (for those who don’t know, it goes like this: You ask someone if they ever blew bubbles when they were a kid, and the response will usually be; “Yea, why”? To which you say; “I just ran into him on the street, and he said to say Hi”). Never, ever tell this to a cop when he asks you to blow into a small hand held device!

OK, some of this is truly corny, but I couldn’t resist! Hope you laughed a bit too!

Lastly, while I do enjoy a good drink or two, I really do urge everyone to be responsible out there!

Out-Takes

Discovered this at Immobilienblasen via The Big Picture

Top Ten Signs You Have A Bad Stockbroker

As per David Letterman

10. When stocks go up, his pants go down 

9. He's unavailable whenever "General Hospital" is on 

8. Invested your entire portfolio in JetBlue 

7. Instead of Wall Street, he works at Wal-Mart 

6. He shaves his head and goes into rehab 

5. Hot stock tips, no -- nude photos of Alan Greenspan, yes 

4. Keeps using the word Ga-zillion 

3. No number 3 -- writer depressed after losing everything in stock market 

2. A few years back told Martha, "Sure it's legal"

1. Claims he once had a three-way with Morgan Stanley and Merrill Lynch

Very funny stuff

Two things that made me fall out of my chair earlier today. Here they are:

WallStrip (Race around the “RIMM”)

Greg Mankiw’s blog (The roasting of a Harvard economics professor)

It’s all too good!

I just have to pass this one on

Here is a joke I came upon over at Donald Luskin’s blog. Yes, I actually read Luskin once in a while, although I disagree with almost everything he has to say. When people hear that I read such blogs they often ask; “Just what kind of a liberal are you”? to which I always reply; “The kind I thought all liberals were supposed to be. An open minded one”.

Anyway, Luskin does have a good “joke of the day” every now and then, and this is one of them:

The room was full of pregnant women, with their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurances to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.

She said: "Ladies, remember that exercise is GOOD for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier!" She looked at the men in the room. "And gentlemen, remember. You're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with your partner."

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information. Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

"Yes?" answered the teacher.

"I was just wondering," the man said. "Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

Won't miss the Oscars

B and I will be flying back to NYC as Oscar mannia plays out. We both agree we won't be missing much.

Last year I used to joke that if things ever got tough financially, I could always put on a shrimp suit, stake my claim on a spot in Times Square, and hold up a sign that read; "It's hard out here for a shrimp".

Will read about the winners on the morrow.

Sound vaguely familiar?

This guy David Lereah, from the National Association of Realtors must be taking lessons at the Tony Snow School of Spin!

Attribute: Keven Depew, Minyanville

If you can't read Arianna's shirt,

it says; "Halliburton Overchargers"

It's just Stock

My wife B jokingly wants to know why I have all these flattering photos of Arianna Huffington (pictured at left) on my hard drive (See more here, and here). I told her that it's for the same reason that I have all these photos of Maureen Dowd (pictured below). It's just "stock" (and that's true). I guess I could have thrown Ted Kennedy in here somewhere.